Suicide Journal
by Doggy-Yasha
Summary: I can't say this is any different to other things on this topic but I tried pls R&Rno pairings! sorta
1. Chapter 1

_**This is supposed to be like written in a journal...don't ask ..i guess (i like that word) i was reading to many angst fics XD**_

_**Enjoy ok?! Please don't flame..well unless you find something really major to flmae about --**_

_**I SADLY DONT OWN ANYTHING! but you knew that already**_

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**Journal:**

Suicide Entry!

So, I'll start by saying what a load of crap suicide notes are..seriously the ever famous line "If you're reading this, Im already dead" Dur! In a letter such as this aren't you supposed to tie up the lose ends? Aren't you supposed to reveal deep dark secrets? Tell your regrets? By saying that line you're setting people up to feel guilty when they already do, 'cause they feel bad that they couldn't help or see that there was a problem. So here mine goes..again so over used -sigh-

_To my loved ones..._gods that even sounds horrible

_Thanks for putting up with me, thanks for showing me the way when I got lost._

_There are presonal notes for each person I was affected by the most; Al, Winry, Bastard Father, Colonel Bastard, Hughes, and the Military Family..._

Seven pages for seven different people...why you ask? Simple I love them all and I need them to know..well the Military family thing is because it was them as a whole that was amazing..so I do have my reasons..

_**Alphonse Elric**_

_Little Brother, Al, how did you put up with me day after day? How could you stay so calm and loving inside a tin can?! I'm sorry, turely I am. I guess in a way I'm doing this because the exchange was not equal and it feels like we cheated..guess it shouldn't matter as long as we were happy..right..WRONG! Live your life Al, you deserve to after all I took your childhood away._

_I can't say anymore to you since you can read me like a book even when I'm not there (over the phone or through a letter much like this), you are better with words then I myself am/was or could ever hope to be so, you probably understand what I'm trying to say..._

_So, Al..good-bye ..I ..love you.. wish I could have been a better brother and I am well aware you thought I was as good as any other..so again sorry._

Thats done..mmm what to say about ..rather to Winry..guess I'll just draw cats on Al's paper... OH and journal..since I think I'm putting too many dots I'll have you know I like the little dots!...SHUT UP MUSTANG[1..On to Winry.

_**Winry Rockbell**_

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Wow, I fell asleep..then had to report to Mustang..GRRRR..guess this is part 2 of my Suicide Entry since I didnt Finsih it.

_**Winry Rockbell**_

_As corny as this will sound I'll say it anyways just so you know. You are the best mechanic in the world..I know that you always tryed you best so thanks. _

_Since we were kids we played laughed and shared, thst is until what happened to our mother. Anyway what I'm trying to say is sorry for not including you, but you were a sister to me (probably more if I allowed it) _[2_ and even though you were as tough as any guy I had to protect you from the harsh world that we were born into. By no means am I calling you weak or sensitve, I'm trying to say that you helped me in a lot of situations and that I'm greatful._

_Thanks for everything and keep working hard! _

_Hey, when you meet a lucky guy try not to pound his lights in with your wrench_

_Bye._

Heh, well looks like I have a commen theme ..drawing on the paper when I'm done..mature and so girly..ah well..Winry likes wrenches..I'm sure she wont mind. Great I have to now write to my 'father' even though I'm sure he wont see it...

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_**1) sorry i came up with a short joke writting that.**_

_**2) refering to when Ed blushed in the movie when winry hugged him..also the anime where winry forgot the screw.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**This is supposed to be like written in a journal...don't ask ..i guess (i like that word) i was reading to many angst fics XD**_

_**Enjoy ok?! Please don't flame..well unless you find something really major to flmae about --**_

_**I SADLY DONT OWN ANYTHING! but you knew that already**_

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_**Bastard Father/ Hoenheim Elric**_

_Thanks for nothin. Maybe you should of stayed..maybe you should have found a better way to deal with rotting [1 ..All I know is..I can't ever fully forgive you, though Al has once he saw you._

_Your Son ..Ed._

Well that was easy enough..probably shouldn't have been so mean..Al will be sad to see that. Seriously though what can I say to a man that was never there..meh..heh this will make him feel something.. I/m drawing flowers around the page..the kind mom liked.

_**Hughes..**_

_Since your sadly dead already I couldn't even thank you properly. So I guess this will have to do. Thanks Huges you always knew how to brighten peoples day and help them out when they were in a tough spot. (i.e When I had to do the fight against Mustang) Anyways I'm sorry you had to die helping me out and I'm sorry your family has to suffer your loss. I'm even more sorry that I am saying 'sorry' since I know you would have done the same for anyone. so from my brother and my self Thanks._

_Hughes, I swear if by chace we meet up some how some way when I leave this world and you show me pictures of your daugther..you'll be in pain. Ok maybe not but -_sigh- _I am trying not to make this sappy..._

_Bye Hughes thanks for everything._

Yeah, my letters may try to take on some humor but that is only cause well it's easier. I know I forgot to write about the Colonel but I'll do that letter. CRAP! I'm bad at drawing cameras.

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Sorry (don't know why I'm saying that to a journal), I got sent on a mission and had to be hospitalized. Woooooooooooooo... --' . Now before I continue and what not I thought that I should explain myself a bit more.

Firstly- My first entry before I wrote Al said seven and I only listed six ..your probably thinking that I can't count. Not the case for those smart enough to figure this out..I counted the non-letter thing which is what I am writting between letters as a letter for myself.

Secondly- I'm not giving dates because well dates are not important.

Thirdly- I'm spacing these letters over days and weeks cause (besides the reaons I give) I'm giving myself time to back out, think through, and personally tie up lose ends.

Fourthly- I didn't address one to my mother cause nothing I can say will make up for me losing Al and turning her into a monster.

and lastly- Why I'm taking..or rather right now going to be taking my own life.

You see it wasn't the short jokes, it wasn't cause I am being a spoild brat, and it is certainly not for attention. It's becasue I killed people and it doesn't matter to me if I was the one who did it (Greed and Sloth) or that it was because of me (Hughes). In a way I think the exchange was equivalent but not something that was taken form the start rather over time. That would be when I got Al's body back I was happy he was happy we were all happy. I stayed in the military cause well I made a family there and I didn't want to give them up. Al went back and forth from Central and Risembool to see everyone. Soon my happiness turned into irritation. Irritation slowly turned in to anger, anger turned into depression and finally it turned into something I can't explain. All I know is I dont like being around people anymore, it doesn't matter if its the military people, random people or even my own brother. I can't stand being near happy people when I can't be happy like them.

I tried to get help and that didn't go over to well, I kinda blew up the building during the night..heh.. Guess I should continuse with my letters before I forget. Oh and Mustang your letter is last.

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_**Sorry I cant seem to write more in a chapter for this **_

_**1) at the end of the series Ed finds out why his father left.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**This is supposed to be like written in a journal...don't ask ..i guess (i like that word) i was reading to many angst fics XD**_

_**Enjoy ok?! Please don't flame..well unless you find something really major to flame about --**_

_**I SADLY DONT OWN ANYTHING! but you knew that already**_

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It's been a month since I worte last.. Stupid missions. Yeah I still go on missions some no one has a reason to think something is wrong. So anyways this next latter is too

_**Military staff**_

_Thanks. Heh this will probably be as short as the one I gave my father only because there is only some much one can say about awesome people right?. Anways I thought the Military life was going to be crappy and suck majorly. Some how you managedbefore I got there to be some what of a family always looking out for each other and being there no matter wha. So thanks for not only being nice but allowing Al and myself in to __your__ family.__ I do feel bad for leaving and for when my actions caused you all pain. Hey I am/was a teen so it happens right?!_

_Guess it doesn't really matter ..either way you all were great, keep being a family after I'm gone..don't forget to have Al visit. I'm sure he's love that._

_Oh and Havoc quit smoking, Breda not all dogs are evil and Hawkeye don't shoot Mustang.._

_Good luck to all of you_

_-FullMetal Alchemit._

Fun Fun this is. Only one more letter to write then I can get the hell out of here! YES! Oh I have nothing to draw on this which is probably good since this to to a Military staff..

_**Roy Mustang**_

_You bastard! Joking you never were really that bad I jsut hate adults and short jokes. If it wasn't enough you put your career on the line for me, you also put your life on the line for other people, really you werent ever that bad. I's sure when people look at you they see what I saw; a un-caring-skirt chasing-pryo. The truth of the matter is out of all of those things you are really only a Pyro. The fact you like women is natural and you implament the mini skirt thing cause well your a guy and your covering up the real reason to become Fuhrur. Un-caring well you act like it but you are the furthest thing from that...sadly it took me this long to figue that out. You really did help me when I needed a push and even kept me in line to the best of your abilities._

_Thanks_

_Oh and so you don;t think I don't know what you were doing. The short jokes ..Oh the bloody short jokes. I know what you were doing. Though many people probably think you did that just to poke fun at me..but I know different. Well I like to think I know different. The reason I think you did it all the time is so I could blow off a little (no pun intended Mustang) steam. We all know I kept things to myself and that I never really got angry unless called short, but some how you knew. You knew that I needed and outlet, you made sure to tick me off just enough to get me to throw a tantrum then be relaxed. You made sure I didn't become cold and un-caring to the world._

_Now I don't know you reasons behind the jokes cause I'm not you, but I will -cause its what I truely believe- say that is the reason. _

_Well thanks for everything Colonel Roy Mustang. I do hope you get promoted to that of Fuhrur you deserve it._

_Wishing you luck _

_- The 'FullMetal Alchemist'_

_-Ed Elric._

Mmmm I wonder how the hell I managed that one. Not only did you Roy Mustang get the longest letter but I drew you Flame Alchemy symbols every where..I must be more out of it then I thought.

Well that was my last letter and this is my last entry. I'm going to be getting ready for a mission to catch some crazy killer..an Alchemist. I won't be coming back. After the Alchemist is caught I'll blow up a building or something but this will be my last mission. I'll leave this in Hawkeyes car..so you guys can find it. It wont be no were in the opening since I don't want to be stopped but I'll put it somewhere people will find it in time. Or maybe I'll leave it in my room for Al..OH well that would be mean. Either way I guess there is no right way for people to find this..BAH! whatever.

Good-bye everyone. Thanks for all your help.

**The 'FullMetal Alchemist'**

**Edward Elric**

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_**I know this is shorter..but there is going to be one more chappie and its going to be in um someone else's POV. not Ed's..obviously...**_

_**need suggestions on who it should be.. please help.**_

_**NOTE ---THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL NOT AN OTHER CHAPTER**_


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